Keep those amazing friends close, trust me you don’t want to lose them.
Hello wonderful people, and I’m back writing on All The Jazz for you all. I’m writing about a pretty recent event that opened my eyes to a few things about myself and some of my friends. It was pretty eye opening, so let’s get into it.
It was early evening, around 7pm. I was starting to get into one of those moods where I start to overthink about everything in the past, the future, and my life in general. It’s when I do things like:
‘If I didn’t do this, would my life be how it is now?’
‘If I did do that years ago, would I be happier now?’
I know that’s really bad, like there’s no point obsessing about the past because I can’t change it. I can’t help it though, it’s just something I’ve always done since it all began.
Anyway, I texted my friends and asked if anyone does the same. They all said they did and sent examples, but only one of them really understood what I meant and the headspace I was in.
The chat was becoming less light-hearted and one of them commented on that in which I replied with:
‘Well I’m feeling pretty depressed tbh, it’s one of those days where I can’t be arsed to pretend to be happy.’
(And by the way, ‘arsed’ is usually the extent of my bad language lol, I can’t swear unless I’m on text it just doesn’t come out anywhere else!)
After I sent that text, everyone just…left. Literally after they read it they were gone. And I know they read it, I checked when they were last online like a WhatsApp stalker. My instant reaction was sadness actually. Then anger, then a mix of both.
I work so hard to make sure my friends are happy, when I can tell they need my help or when they ask for my help I’m right there. Somedays I feel like crap myself but I put them first, because I strongly rely on my good friend status. I love and enjoy being a good friend, and it hurts so much when my friends don’t bother to try.
I tried to distract myself because I wanted to stop myself getting worked up. That flopped. I kept checking my phone to see if they had said anything, I kept thinking about it while I watched TV and while I watched YouTube.
Then finally, at around 9pm, I decided to confront them. I find it so hard to let go of stuff like this without letting it out somehow, and talking to them about it is the route I take. Well on text anyway. My social skills, independence and confidence decrease to 50% when I’m not behind a screen.
The friend that understood what I meant with the whole ‘obsessing about the past and how it could have changed the future thing’ (let’s call her T) said that she had no chance to reply because her parents made her wash up tones of dishes, and since she opened my message before getting called to wash up, she probably forgot I sent anything.
T and I talked and she really helped me a lot. What people don’t understand is that it doesn’t take a lot to cheer me up, or at least stabilize me. Little things can kick me back into action to fight again.
T and I kinda have the same mental struggles. We struggle with staying happy and having the fight within ourselves to tackle our different issues. So talking to her was just the thing I needed.
I’m sure you’re wondering about the other two friends. They both apologized and I’m gonna let it go, because I’ve got enough on my plate. But, as they say, you can always forgive but never forget.
What I realized about myself is that I panic way too easily. I always think the worst. Even though I was right about two of my friends out of three, I gotta try and get myself out of that mindset. Not everything is gonna be bad, I just don’t realize that.
I also should probably stop relying on all my friends to pull through when I need them. I have two go to friends, and I’m gonna keep them close. They help me, I help them…we help each other.
What I realized about my friends is that not all of them are the best at emotional support. And I’m not basing all this on these events. There’s been many, many other things that have happened that’s made me come to this conclusion. And it’s not their fault. Some people just aren’t good at support and it’s ok. But please, at least try!
Okkkk, we’ve reached the end of this lengthy-ish post! Thank you for reading, and I hoped you enjoyed. I enjoyed venting on my blog, and I might do more of that, I hope that sounds good to you guys!
If anyone of you reading this is going through a tough time, and you feel like you need to talk to someone but you don’t know who…my blog’s always open. I’ll reply as soon as I get the chance, and we’ll have a good ol’ chat!
– All The Jazz